I don't typically write what The Western Journal categorizes as "lifestyle" stories, but when I saw this one come up, I knew I was going to have to hog it all for myself.

I hope you won't consider me boarish.

You see, yesterday was Valentine's Day, and the Anchorage Police Department was presented with an opportunity to demonstrate a little of the caring and selflessness that should attend that day -- but to an unusual recipient.

"Just shy of a year ago we responded to a call about a turkey trying to enter a convenience store," the department posted on its Facebook page yesterday. "We showed up and found an actual Gobble Gobble attempting to finagle his way into the mart at a local gas station.

"After that adventure, you’d think not much would surprise us. And then yesterday happened ..."

You never know who's going to call for help from local first responders, or why, and this was just one of those days that proved that the life of a sworn law enforcement officer is never one of predictability.

"We got a call from a concerned citizen regarding a pig in Fairview, standing on the side of the road, who 'looked cold,'" the post continued.

I don't know what else the caller expected from a pig in Alaska in February. According to the National Weather Service, the high temperature at Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport yesterday was 22 degrees, and the low that morning was a brisk 10. In those conditions, I have to believe that even a pig in a blanket would have "looked cold."

And this pig wasn't even sporting the pantsless-jacket-with-tie look made famous by one of his cartoon cousins, much less carrying any cold-weather gear.

"We’re all familiar with refrigerated bacon, we just never thought we’d respond to a call for service related to that topic," the post continued. "As it turns out, the portly dude was quite friendly."

Personally, I can't believe they went with "portly" when "Porky" was right there for the taking; clearly, the Facebook post, unlike this piece, was not written by a dad.

"You’ll be happy to know he has been reunited with his family and all is well," the police reported. "Would you like to know the best part? His name.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Elvis.

"Elvis Pigsley."

I suppose it was only appropriate that the APD reach out with a caring hand on Valentine's Day. There's no reason the love we celebrate every year on Feb. 14 should be limited to other humans. Thanks for saving this little fella's bacon, officer.

After all, we wouldn't want Elvis coming down with swine flu, now, would we? That wouldn't be kosher at all.

Sorry, am I being too much of a ham? You don't enjoy this kind of ribbing? Perhaps I should chop a few of these puns out, hm? I mean, seriously: When will I ever loin?

OK ... I'll stop now. Cue the exit music:

This article appeared originally on The Western Journal.